me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
