Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
