he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
