Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
