I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize