I got chris browned last night
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize