I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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