I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize