im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
