Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
