Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
