She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize