Yo dont text me then not text me
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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