Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
