WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Two words: blizzard sex
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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