He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
