There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
