my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
