I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
