I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
