Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
