I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
