She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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