there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
