So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
