Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
