just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
