My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
