im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
