If that was your dad, he is hot
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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