I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
