Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
