i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
