Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
