I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
