Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
