i need an iv and a liver transplant
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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