I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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