Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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