even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
How does it feel to date your dad?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
