what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
