I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
