I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
