all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
