It's Friday. Sex?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize