i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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