On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
