Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
