I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
