should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
