I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
