You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
