I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
