Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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