Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
