Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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