Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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