I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
