I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
