dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Pants 0. Shit 1.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
