the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
