I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
