thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
