i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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