If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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