My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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