bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
this will be a night to untag.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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