How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
