Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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