I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
