sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
