with your own penis?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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